Less that 24 Hours

The graphics card on my laptop had been acting up the past few weeks. Yesterday morning, it finally blacked out. I was seriously screwed. All my work data was unaccessible. I told some of the guys at the factory and they took me to a 4 story electronics mega mall. There, we found a repair shop. It was almost 8 pm. The guy said he would check it out and let me know today if he could fix it. Well, by noon, the guy had figured out the problem, replaced my graphics card and some micro chip that was bad. While my 6 month old Gateway's warranty may be expired, I'm back in business. This is one of the things that amazes me about China. While I can't drink the water out of the tap, I can have a problem (that in the states would force me to buy a new computer) fixed in less than a day for less than 100USD.

WWBD

Two more big scores. This week found me running around all of Dongguan and ShenZhen. Contrary to my original observation the air fresheners are not prevalent throughout the regions drivers. I think I was just in a pool of car cologne aficionados, maybe it is something they use to differentiate themselves from the other driver clans, some gasoline loving gangs choose to wear sleeveless leather jackets with menacing names and deathly designs on the back while others find spreading a unified scent of loveliness to be more their thing. Who am I to judge.

It had been pretty dry, until I came across two real beauties.

Holy Glade
I wanted the drive to the factory to last forever. This freshener is a blending of two worlds. One, the spiritual old world and two, the artificial new world. It is the first American brand freshener I've seen. The sleek design shows an abundance of industrial design inspiration. However, the color of the freshening fluid was neglected severely. It did bring memories of the puddles left on the bathroom linoleum by a certain employee with bad aim at a certain place of employment. Moreover, I'm proud of this photo's composition. I was able to capture the dangling rear view mirror tassle, a neighboring vehicle, a motorcyclist in action, and a few of the primary culprits that I'm blaming for my increasing lung damage.

Fuck It, Just Pick a Name
How about Sweet Voice? Hell, yeah. That's it. Sweet Voice. I've spent the last 2 days trying to find the relationship between the product and the product name and have come up empty. If any one of you can thing of a link, let me know. This freshener had a self leveling feature that wasn't quite working. The chrome job on the plastic top had some really bad orange peel. As far as I could tell, the little dome on top held a compass. There was a needle-like object there, but I didn't see it move once. This freshener had the same charm as a Charlie Brown X-mas Tree. It is definitely no Commander 700. I would consider it more metrosexual than macho.

Inflatable Pink Gorilla

One sure fire way that car sales people let potential customers know that they are open for business and ready to give them a heck of a deal on an Oldsmobile is by strapping on a big Pink Gorilla to the highest point on the lot for the world to see. I'm not sure where it started or how this evolved. I'll bet that the first time one of those popped up, people came from far and wide to check out the big pink gorilla. I'm sure the story is interesting and would make a good back drop for a romantic comedy, if you could hire Heather Graham and Eric Estrada or someone as co-starts. However, the pink gorilla has lost its luster as a novelty and now just blends in to the skyline of auto-rows around America. No longer is it an attraction, but rather a necessity that legitimizes your dealership as a serious contender in the art of selling vehicles.

Well, once again, I've found the perfect thesis for a doctorate on Asian studies or advertisement or sociology doctoral candidates. It appears that inflatables are also used here in China to indicate that auto dealerships are open for business. (Hell, for all I know, they may be used around the world) However, due to cultural differences going back thousands of years, the pink gorilla is substituted with a red arch on which two dragons perch in a "hey-how-you-doing" stance. There is some writing on the arch that I would guess says something derogatory about pink gorillas, but since I can't read Chinese, it is only a guess.

I noticed these arches because between my hotel and one of the factories I pass by an area that is lined with Gleey, Chery, JAC, Toyota, Nissan, dealerships. Each one has an inflatable arch with the same two dragons.

If I opened up a car dealership here, I'd try using a pink gorilla. I'm not sure if it would enhance or deter sales, but it would be different. Likewise, if I were to get into the used car sales business in the US, I'd import one of these inflatable red arches with dragons, but I'd have the derogatory statement about the pink gorilla written in English.

I think that this observation requires more study. I'd like to pursue it, but don't have the time. It deserves the type of investigating where people are taken to the lot having a pink gorilla or the red arch and then their brain is scanned for emotional responses. People from China and people from the US can be tested. Then you can bring in people from Sweden or Honduras or Kenya, and see their reaction. Surely tomes of useful stuff could be published in journals of high importance. This may even lead to a nobel prize or the canonization into sainthood that I so badly want.

Traffic Sign

Quick Note: It is very obvious to me that the stuff above the phrase in English must say, "do what you like, unless you can read English".

Color, Cut, Clarity, Cool

The word that pops to mind when I got in this ride, after I let out a big ol' "Hot Damn!", was "Majestic". What dash would you guess could be able to carry a near flawless and colorless chunk of polycarbonate through the city of Ningbo all the while reminding the passengers to free their minds as a maverick roams and inhale the scents seeping through the gold rimmed gem? Oh, but a Buick of course. This is about as Cadillac as it has gotten for me in the past 3 weeks. Woodgrain, leather, nav package, 6 disc cd changer, a seat belt strap that doesn't bind from the grime, power windows, a little indicator on the rear view mirror that alerts the chauffeur to how close the motos are getting to scuffing up the paint. I had a 25 minute crawl through traffic in luxury. Had I not been hypnotized by the air freshener, I may have caught some cool sights.

You Got Served

I'm going to struggle describing this, but bear with me. I arrived in Ningbo this afternoon and spent the day checking the town out. It is a really pretty city, by the way.
Anyways, on my post dinner walk I ended up at a park/community square. It is kind of like a combination between Green Lake and the Seattle Center (for those familiar). There, I came across a group of about 50 say 45-65 year old women doing some kind of Thai-Chi / Aerobics / Electric Slide routine in unison to Chinese techno-music blasting from a boom box. I decided to get a bit closer and try to snap a photo. (Obviously I couldn't get the settings all squared up and the photo looks like crap) Then, when I walked up into the park a bit more, I noticed another techno song blasting. I'll be damned it was another Thai-Chi/Aerobics/Electric Slide crew. The only thing that separated them from the first was the routine, the direction they were facing, and the song they were jamming to. I started looking around some more and found a third crew. They all seemed friendly enough and I don't know why they don't all just combine into one large outdoor line dancing monopoly.
I continued on and when I passed by on my way back to the hotel, they were going still going strong. This would have made a perfect video. I was just too much in awe to remember.

Ya Feel Me?

I don't know what to write about this place, just let your imagination flow. I snapped a shot as we were going through a round-about.

So Fresh and So Clean...Clean

It is as if the drivers in China are on to me and my interest in their automotive air fresheners. They are starting to hide them from plain view. I got in the Civic and didn't spot a freshener off the bat. I've been on a drought the last few days, so I wasn't surprised when I didn't see one as I climbed on board. However, while giving the driver directions in a series of grunts and hand signals, I saw where the goods were stashed.

Of all shapes that the air freshener companies could come up with - they chose a lamp? A lamp, and a miniature one at that? I've always associate lamps as sources of light, not scent. They may as well have chosen a blender or a chair...whatever. I ended up spending the majority of my 20 minute commute trying to figure out where this air freshener would be sold. I can't think that a straight up automotive parts supplier would carry it. Maybe a department store, but why would a purple lamp be more popular than a blue carafe or a red tea pot? All I can say is that this is the most Martha Stewart-esque example of air fresheners thus far. Very domestic. I can't say I would choose it for my rANGER, but I will admit that it smelled lovely the whole way to work.

Dust Off The Encyclopedia Britannica

I thought things like this died off in the mesozoic era. If anyone of you minored in botany and knows what this is, let me know. These things were stacked in a bin at the entrance of a fruit stand. For reference, the are approximately the size of an average watermelon, not the tiny ones that are mostly rind or those huge ones that are hauled into the state fair in the back of an F150.

The pile of mystery fruit was vigilantly guarded by two attendants who postured as if they were protecting a national treasure; which these things may well be. If they would have come to grips with the unlikeliness that anyone would be so bold (and masochistic) as to snag one, stash it down their pants, and take off running, maybe they would have cracked a smile for the camera and made it on this blog...their loss.

Gag Order

I think I might be censored. I can post on the blog (I think), but can't view the thing. Someone doesn't want me to know what I write.

Stop Bitin'

I took this photo a few weeks ago and had forgotten about it. Above all else, the charm of this inflatable fun land was its setting. It was on a huge concrete slab, that can quite possibly be considered a public gathering area, directly across the street from a very imposing government building. There were fountains and people walking around; on the perimeter of the slab were some uniformed guards. I was a pansy and took the photo from way far away. I don't know what people here consider "suspicious behavior" and didn't want to risk trying to outrun military guards on motos. With that said, please excuse the quality of the photo. Above all, take the moral as being "If you don't use vowels, it ain't copyright infringement".

Floral Scents

Getting in a taxi has become like standing in front of the snack isle eyeballing all the Cracker Jack boxes wondering which one has something other than 'lick 'em 'n stick 'em' snake tattoos. I've gotten to the point where I ignore cleanliness and shoot a glance at the dash through the windshield with camera in hand. If the air freshener is different from what I've previously recorded, it makes for a great ride, regardless of the potholes and near misses.

Here are two more variations on the ever popular air freshener series:

Mind Over Matter
This genius opted to side-step any recurring cost and challenge the passenger's mental ability to think beyond the stink and envision these orange roses and white jasmine blossoms exuding scents of loveliness, regardless of their plastic construction. The arrangement was pleasing to the eye, but failed to convince me that the truck in front of us was filling up the passenger compartment with noxious gases. I'll give this guy high points for creativity and an original aesthetic. If the driving gig doesn't go anywhere, maybe a career at a floral shop?


You-Make-Up-Your-Own-Title
I would have to say that this is the most majestic freshener and freshener accessory I've seen thus far. Aside from the impressively regal yard bird, the really cool thing about this morning's ride was that it was the first green colored air freshener chemical syrup. I spent the majority of the ride trying to detect what scent was represented by green. Menthol? No. Cool Mint? No. Apple? No. Brocolli? Close. Spearmint? Nope. Watermelon? No. I never found out. I would have given this driver the Macho Man award for having this particular dash arrangement, but the Hello Kitty embroidered headrests killed it. If he swaps them for the Tazmanian Devil, he's got it.

Pulpy C - It's Orange

This posting is dedicated to my friend Raf, who has the amazing ability to come up with names for fictional products. If I had any semblance of a memory I'd prove it.

In the Refrigatory sic aka the mini bar, I found a can whose labeling had every indication of containing orange juice (real, artificial, it didn't matter to me) and a name that said to me, "Good morning, get your day started like a world champ, have a few swigs of Pulpy-C and walk around with the A-Team theme song playing in your subconscious". So I replied to the can, "OK Pulpy-C, let's get all B.A. Baracus". I popped off the peel away pull tab and took a sip.

No red-striped black van pulled up. Instead I had a mouth full of a fluid with the consistency of the syrup used in canned peaches. The pulp was man-made, and I'll bet had no ingredient that began with the letter 'O'. It was gelatinous more than pulpy. I will; however, give credit for the likeness in shape and size to real pulp that was achieved by some advancement in technology that has yet to make it to the west. There was a hint of orange flavor, but it could have been that I was brainwashed to believe that by the can's packaging.

My View

Here's the view from my hotel room in ChangPing Town (Dongguan). I'm here on the weekends, as this is a centrally localized downtown area with plenty of restaurants and people watching opportunities. During the week I'm in an area called Liao Bu Town. There, I'm surrounded by factories and government buildings. I guess it is the difference between being in downtown Seattle and Arlington or something.

Tea Score

Last month, during the Game Developers Conference, our team went out to dinner at a restaurant named The Slanted Door. There I ordered a drink called Art Tea, it was the first tea on the alphabetically ordered list. My drink showed up in a wine glass filled with tea colored water, but it had a brown ball sitting at the bottom. It was the most unappealing presentation anyone could have come up. It lent itself to my co-workers volunteering what it looked like I was drinking and all the while laughing heartedly at my expense. Maybe it was the thrist or the fact that I could not take them all on at one time in a street brawl, but I let their jokes shine off and drank up. It wasn't but a few minutes later when the ball at the bottom of the glass began to move. In the most bizarre thing I've seen since the birthing scene of V, the 1983 TV mini-series, the brown lump bloomed into a flower.

So today, I spent the afternoon walking around ChangPing Town and came across a tea shop. The lady tending the store rattled off some Chinese, what I know realize must have been this..."Boy, I've got somethin' that'll blow your mind." And she pushed a baggie of flower buds into my hand, grabbed a calculator, punched in how much I owed her, and closed the deal. This has to be the best thing that has happened to me since I've been in China.

*Please don't burst my bubble by telling me that I can buy these things at Safeway for 49 cents a pound. They are exotic and rare in my mind.

I Scream Colors

My latest cultural learning is ice cream colors. Last week I was hulled up in a hotel that, while conveniently located to the factory, was isolated from anything else. I was forced to eat at the hotel buffet more times than I'd have liked. At first glace, the silver lining on this rain cloud was the self serve ice cream bar. It was 29 flavors shy from a Baskin Robbins. The writing was all in Chinese, which as far as I was concerned wouldn't be a problem when picking ice cream. Well, as it turns out, Pistachio Green colored ice cream tastes like the most artificial banana flavoring on earth. (This is truly the most messed up mind trick, it is like having someone put a double bacon cheese burger in front of you and then taking a bite, only to find out it tastes like cauliflower). I've been able to roll with all the punches and surprises pretty well, but this damn near set me off...I was so excited with the thought of eating pistachio ice cream (it had been years since I'd get a cylindrical scoop at Thriftys for a quarter). Thankfully, white abides by the international coloring/flavoring standard and is vanilla.

UPDATE: Or so I thought that white = vanilla. Just last night I was brought a scoop of ice cream after my meal. It happened to be white. Using my associative memory, I figured it was vanilla. Once again, I was fooled. This time it was coconut. I'm just not getting thrown any striaght pitches. In this case, it was a pleasant surprise. I like coconut ice cream.

Breath In, Breath In

I have been in countless Chinese taxis and hired cars, but it wasn't until witnessing the grandeur of the Commander 700 Car Cologne (discussed in a previous posting) that I began to take notice of the car air fresheners. Here are more samples that I've been able to collect this past week. The Monte Carlo 700 appeared in multiple cars and seems to be the most popular, but with such a small sample size, I can not say for certain. Besides, my unfamiliarity with this region's socio-economic demographics limits me from making any scientific claims and I can only state what my imagination was imagining at the time the shot was taken of these automotive air scent falsification devices.

Monte Carlo 700 Car Cologne
The MC 700 looks to be the lesser gawdy of the (Empowering Name) 700 Car Cologne product line. I've not only been studying the air fresheners, but any neighboring paraphernalia. In this case, take the bobbing-head dog. During renaissance times, dogs were added to paintings as symbols for fidelity (i.e. the popular dog name "Fido", from the root fides of latin origin or some other language I'll never speak). While the driver who had the Commander 700 in his taxi was surely a man about town. This individual seems more even keel and is not into the pleasures that a pair of gold trimmed Ray Bans can bring, but the happiness of a true and lasting bond. This is reinforced by the lack of "jewels" on the air freshener container. The driver's practicality didn't stop there, we were in a Hyundai, recently rated as a preferred purchase by consumer reports.

Just-Make-It-Don't-Stank
I was so dissappointed when I entered this taxi. Sure, there was a bit of effort put into enhancing the passenger's experience, but how am I supposed to feel regal when there is sever indication that the air freshener's effects have long been worn out. Not only was this verifiable visually (as the plastic had yellowed from the sun's exposure), but olfactory as well, as it smelled better outside than inside. I rode with the window rolled down, much to the protest of the driver who for whatever reason did not want the stench to escape from the vehicle. I kept shaking my head in the opposite direction of the Monte Carlo 700 dog and repeating "ting bu dong" (I don't understand) like I was stupid...knowing damn well he was cussing me out for not rolling up the window. If I would have invested in a phrase book, I may have been able to answer him with, "Forget taking me to the factory, detour this thing to a Schuck's Auto and let's get you a sweet scented dashboard crown. It will do us both some good."
In the end, not only did I spend 1/2 the ride holding my breath, but the right side of my hair feathered out disproportionately.

Fresh Air

One of the coolest things I've seen in China is the air freshener systems used in taxis or hotel cars. They go way beyond the rear view mirror Fresh-n-er trees. They are usually adorned containers of varying shapes filled with cherry cough syrup colored liquid that smell of...chemicals. The best one I've seen so far is the "Commander 700 Car Cologne". It is a whole new level of luxurious. It is like the pinky ring your car has always wanted. If it made my ride in the Geely feel like I was rollin' in a Lincoln Town Car, imagine what it would do for my Ford rANGER.

Special note on the Ray Ban aviators that rested next to the C-700. They belonged to my driver. He kept saying stuff in Chinese and laughing. I didn't understand a lick, but there is no doubt in my mind that he was recounting his conquests that fell for the mystery on the other side of the shades and the dabs of Commander 700 behind the ears.

Once we got to the factory, I paid up, stepped out, threw him a peace sign, and told him, "Play on Playa".

Game recognize Game.

*The photo is blurry because the I think the Geely was in dire need of some new struts.