Shine Shine Shine

This is one of the most memorable evenings of my entire life. It is definitely a moment that I will reflect upon, years from now, and stare blankly into a room - making the nursing home wardens believe that the sedatives they injected in me are working, but by that time I'll have developed a tolerance and will self medicate by humming Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam tunes in my mind. I won't need the meds, but will take them anyway just to have boss track marks on my arms and earn a bit more cred at the home. In order to keep up my charade I'll purposefully drool so they have to wipe my chin, not flinching, but keeping my glance into nowhere in tact. They will then talk crap about the crazy old man that keeps mumbling, "shine, shine, shine". The isolation I'll have been in by that time will make it difficult to communicate with others and the social awkwardness will make it impossible for people to believe that I am the solidgoldlovechild - for I will be as far away from child as ever.

Why tell them about the many solid gold statues of me that litter China? They won't believe it. By then, I will look nothing like what had been immortalized in precious metal. This internet thing will be archaic so there will be no record of my writings. Yes, they will have heard of the solidgoldlovechild, but never imagine that they are wiping his chin spit.

This evening I found the first attempt by the Chinese government to commemorate the impact I've had on this land over the last 6 weeks. I can't say that they nailed my likeness, but it was a first shot. I appreciate the effort, but there needs to be some revisions made. I'm sure they are working on the hair system. It is probably the most difficult part. I plan on writing a letter to the local government so they can do something about the pose as well.

The only thing that sucks is that I was not notified about the grand unveiling. I just happened to stumble upon my statue by chance. I'm modest and all, but I would have enjoyed thanking diplomats and government officials, taking photos with the fans, and even saying a few words about how solid gold only tarnishes, but does not corrode. Even when it dirties up a bit, just polish it and watch it shine shine shine.

The other thing that bummed me out is the location they chose. It is in an obscure corner on the top floor of a shopping center. It should really be out somewhere public, near a water feature of some sort, with a bench so weird people can sit and rest and feed rancid bread to the pigeons. Besides, it doesn't shine as much as I'd like it to under fluorescent lights. I don't know, I hate to be picky. I'll fall back on knowing that this isn't the last or largest statue that will be raised in my honor.